


To hold you in my arms again...

by ClexaOtaim



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Female Character, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Lesbian Character, Character Death, F/F, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, POV Lesbian Character, Sad Ending, Time Travelling Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 17:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13979589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClexaOtaim/pseuds/ClexaOtaim
Summary: Losing someone you love is always hard but what if you could go back? What if you could visit them in the past? Would you be tempted? Would you dare? When Sara is lost, Ava stumbles across a way to be with her again...but can a person live in the past?AvaLance Angst/Sad FicYou have been warned!





	To hold you in my arms again...

Ava hadn't thought that it'd be this hard. It shouldn't be this hard. Sara had been gone for almost a month now. Ava's life had been empty for almost a month.

That wasn't fair.

The Legends had tried their best to keep in touch with her, and so had Gary. The Legends had wanted her to stay with them on the Waverider, and Gary had begged her to keep her position at the Time Bureau. But she couldn't. She'd met Sara through the Time Bureau. The Waverider was full of memories that she just couldn't face right now. 

So she was alone, by her own choice.

She heard from Ray every now and then, giving her updates on the team and their progress on fixing time. Gary also would occasionally ring asking for her advice, his new role as Director slightly out of his depth. Promoting him probably wasn't her best idea. But she didn't want the job anymore.

Sara's possession by Mallus had come as a shock, but it had been manageable. Sara was strong, she was able to fight him off most times. Most times. She'd promised Ava that everything would be alright, that Ava would be alright. She calmed her with kisses, held her close and tight when Ava worried.Ava always worried. 

She just felt cheated. 

She'd only had a year with Sara, and yet she felt like she'd never connect with someone like they did again. Sara understood her, Sara had liked her despite her flaws, even loved her because of them. It had been so intense, their relationship feeling like it had been started decades ago instead of only a year. Ava knew it sounded silly, but Sara had been her soulmate, and she truly believed that. And all she had to show for it was an empty whiskey bottle and an empty feeling inside. Sara's soul wasn't the only one Mallus had taken that day. 

A month turned into two months. Two months turned into six. Ava didn't really notice. She rarely left her apartment. She visited her mother once or twice. She used her time courier to attend Sara's funeral. Her hand had shook as she'd handed Laurel's necklace back to Sara’s broken father, his eyes hard and his lip quivering, his spirit shattered after burying his daughter for the 3rd time. She hadn't stayed after the service. She knew Sara's family, she'd had dinner with them many a time. She got on well with her mother, and Oliver too. But she felt out of place, out of time. 

She had cried so much when she'd come home, her eyes had ached. It didn't feel like home. There were no strong arms wrapped around her, no beautiful blonde hair splayed across her pillow, the scent of sea salt and jasmine gently teasing at her nose. The Legends had left her a message, but she didn't have the energy to listen to it yet. It was probably their condolences. They knew it had been today, the funeral, but an anachronism had taken them away for a few days. 

Curling up alone on her bed, the most depressing feeling in the world, Ava finally let sleep take her from her pain, hoping for dreams of Sara to ease her suffering. 

The next morning she drank her coffee black, as usual. She didn't eat anything. She never really ate much anymore. Her time courier buzzed, the sound irritating and unwelcome. Sighing, she quickly turned it off. She didn't know why she kept the damn thing. She didn't work for the Time Bureau, so she didn't really need it. She never was one for keeping useless things. 

It buzzed again, and Ava growled in annoyance at the intrusion into her wallowing. Pressing the answer button, she was greeted by a nervous looking Gary. 

“This better be good.”

“Agent Sharpe! Thank goodness you answered! I honestly didn't think you were going to…” 

“What is it, Gary?”

He swallowed. “Director Hunter is calling you back to work.”

Ava frowned. “Director Hunter? I made you Director before I resigned.”

“That decision has been... redacted. The position has passed back to Director Hunter.”

Ava rolled her eyes. “I'm not going back, Gary. I made that very clear.” 

“I know but Director Hunter believes you'd do better if you were here. The Bureau would benefit greatly from your return.”

“And how would I benefit exactly, Gary?”

“Well... Director Hunter thought it might help you with your...grief.” 

Ava's knuckles tightened on her work surface, turning white. “I beg your pardon?”

Gary's fingers drummed anxiously on his desk, but his face softened.

“Ava, we're all really sorry about what happened. We know it's been hard on you, and I know you haven't been doing so good.”

Ava looked murderous. “Rip put you up to this? What, you all want me to forget Sara and go back to work?!”

“That's not what any of us want. We just want to help you, Ava.”

“Well, I'll tell you how you can help me, Gary. You can all piss off and leave me the hell alone!” 

Ending the call, she ripped off her time courier and threw it angrily at the wall. It hit it with a loud crack and fell to the ground, opening a time window. Ava frowned and moved forward to close it but froze in her tracks as she heard a voice. An unmistakable voice with a cheeky tone and said with laughter in her eyes. 

“She's not a 'mean, Time Bureau lady’ Ray, she's actually pretty nice when you get to know her.”

“Sara, she arrested me when she first met me. Me, arrested!”

Ava moved forward, she was entranced by the scene playing before her. Sara was alive, she could hear her. She was alive, and she was laughing. Ava smiled as a tear rolled down her cheek. It'd been so long since she'd heard Sara laugh. She moved closer to the time window seeing the Waverider through it, with Ray and Sara in the kitchen, Mick snoozing in the corner, an empty beer bottle in his lap.

“She's alright, Ray. I really like her.”

Ray smiled at her and poked her ribs. “You're crushing so hard!”

Sara shoved him playfully. “So what if I am? She's hot, I'm hot, we make a good couple.”

Mick muttered from his corner. “Hot couple.” 

Ava's heart sank. She remembered this story, Sara had told her a hundred times. It was early in their relationship, when the Legends were still wary of Ava. This was the past. Sara was still gone. 

But she was right there.

She couldn't see Ava but she was grinning, her smile teasing her sexy, wild nature. She looked beautiful, as she always did, dressed casually and at ease, just as she should be. Ava knew she was breaking so many rules just watching this, but she couldn't tear herself away. Before she knew what she was doing, she walked through the time window onto the ship. Ray and Sara looked up in surprise. 

“Ava?”

“Agent Sharpe?”

Ava cleared her throat. “Sorry. I should've called first.”

Sara smirked. “No worries. You okay?”

Ava melted at that smile. “I just wanted to see you.”

Sara looked a little taken aback. “Are you sure you're okay?”

Ava wanted to stride over and kiss her, wanted to steal her away from this moment and keep her forever. But she knew she shouldn't, couldn't. She wasn't even supposed to be here…

“I’m fine. You, uh, you got a minute?”

Sara’s mouth curved into a naughty smile. “I've got several.” 

An hour later, Ava was naked and tangled in Sara's sheets, her love curled into her side snoring softly. She shouldn't have done this, but she couldn't help herself. To be kissed by Sara again, to be touched by her again, it just fuelled Ava's desire to stay. But she had to go back. She gently started to move away and out of the bed. She kissed Sara's forehead.

“Baby, I have to go back. I love you, I'll see you soon.” 

Sara mumbled something incoherent, turning over and going back into a deep sleep. Ava couldn't stop the tears as she opened a time window and went back to her now dark apartment. The heat of them burned her cheeks, and she crawled back into her bed, in more agony than ever. 

She woke with a startling idea later that night. Sara was gone, but she wasn't. No-one could take their past from them. That was theirs, and theirs only, and Ava had every right to visit those times. And maybe add some times. She'd be careful. She didn't want to attract Rip’s attention. She'd go just a few times, just til she felt ready to say goodbye to Sara. Then she'd stop. She promised herself.

As she prepared breakfast for herself the next morning, oatmeal with fruit, she smiled to herself. Grabbing her time courier, she watched her first 'morning-after’ with Sara. She watched them eat breakfast together for the first time, and laughed as she remembered Zari’s interruption. She waited til she was out of the room and Sara's back was turned before stepping through the time window.

She placed her hands over Sara's eyes, kissing her neck. Sara's hands flew to Ava's and tried to move them unsuccessfully. She loved this game...or she would a few months later. She moved her hands and spun Sara around, kissing her gently.

Sara looked slightly breathless. “Damn you sure know how to romance a girl...and how to change super fast. What are you wearing?”

Ava gulped and remembered her outfit, some casual pajamas. “Um... I must've grabbed the wrong thing. Whoops.”

Kissing Sara again, she made an excuse to change into some proper clothes, knowing her past self would soon be back. She waited til Sara had walked away, watching her retreat longingly before she stepped back through the time window and closed it. She was playing a dangerous game but she was too far gone now, and she was in it to win it. 

Several weeks went by, with Ava visiting Sara in the past whenever she could, whenever opportunity presented itself. They went on dates, spent time together, it was as if Sara had never…left. Sometimes Ava watched from afar, reliving different aspects of their relationship. The first time Sara said I love you, the time Sara met her mother, their date in Paris, fighting robotic soldiers in Imperial Japan, when Sara said she would marry Ava one day…

Ava hovered over that moment. It haunted her, yet it empowered her. They had had a normal date, dinner then a movie, then amazing sex. They were cuddling in bed together when Sara had locked eyes with Ava, the intensity the ocean blue held holding Ava there.

“I really do think I'm falling for you more and more every day, Aves.”

Ava had laced their hands together. “Yeah?”

“Don't say it back then, jerk.”

Ava kissed her hand. “You know I fell for you first.”

Sara smiled. “I'm gonna marry you, Ava.”

Ava's eyes had widened. “What?”

“You and me. We're gonna be married, grow old together, all that shit. I want it all with you.”  
Ava looked at her dresser, her grandmother's engagement ring inside it, all ready in a little black box. Another reminder of what she lost. She looked back to herself and Sara, kissing fiercely and closed the time window. She opened one for later and stepped through it. Sara was at the console looking at the anachronism map. Hearing Ava approach, she turned and grinned.

“Ava! Hey!”

Hugging her tightly, Ava smiled. She never wanted to lose this feeling. “Hey, you.”

'I wasn't expecting you til tomorrow. Everything okay?”

“Yeah. I just wanted to take you out.” 

Sara raised an eyebrow. “That sounded murder-y, Aves.” 

Ava shook her head, laughing. “Come on, we'll miss our reservation.”

She took Sara to the restaurant where they'd had their first date. Where it all began. Hopefully they'd be able to try the tiramisu this time. They enjoyed their dinner, Ava relishing this extra time with Sara. No-one could ever replace this, and no-one ever would. She had found a way to be with Sara again, and she was finally finding her happiness again. As they waited for their tiramisu, Ava nodded at the waiter and he smiled knowingly, bringing the dessert over. 

Sara picked up her spoon eagerly, ready to dig in but stopped. “Oh look babe, they've written something in chocolate sauce, it says Sara will you...marry me?”

Her eyes snapped up and fell on the little black box in Ava's hand. She wasn't on one knee, but there was definitely an engagement ring in that box. Her eyes looked into Ava, uncertain, searching for an explanation.

“Sara Lance, you quite literally crashed into my life and I could not be more thankful for it. You are my love, my hope, my everything. I know we've only been together a short while but I do love you, and while we don't have to get married til you want to, I would be really honoured if you would be my wife. Will you?”

Sara looked lost for words. “Ava...is this real?”

Laughing, Ava covered Sara's hand with her own. “Yes.” 

Sara held out her other hand. “Of course I'll marry you.”

They ended their date as they always did, in bed. Ava stayed as long as she could to celebrate but she knew her past self would soon be around and she couldn't keep watching the clock and calendar like a hawk. She hoped her proposal wouldn't alter the timeline too seriously. It would probably add to her suffering when Sara…

It was worth it. She was going to marry Sara Lance, and they were going to be happy.

As she stepped through the time window, she jumped as her bedside lamp turned on, revealing Rip leaning against the wall, his head in his hand in exasperation.

“Really, Ava, proposing?”

Ava bristled. “Rip. What are you doing here?”

He looked her in the eye. “I’m here to ask you to stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Oh come on, Ava, don't play coy with me. You know why I'm here.”

Ava crossed her arms. “I haven't done anything wrong.”

“Quite the contrary. You’ve broken twenty-five Time Bureau regulations in the past hour alone.”

Ava pushed past him to go to her kitchen. “I don't work for the Time Bureau.”

Rip followed her. “The rules of time apply to everyone nonetheless, Ava. I taught you better than this.”

Shoulders slumping in defeat, Ava poured herself a glass of water and sat, gesturing for Rip to do the same.

“I've been careful.”

“Not careful enough. I've been monitoring you for the past two weeks. You have to stop, Ava.”

Ava frowned and sipped her water. “Why should I? I’m not harming anyone.”

Rip sighed. “You can't change the past, Ava. You can't change what happened, it will still come to pass. Sara's fate is sealed.”

“I wasn't planning on changing it.”

“Can you honestly tell me you haven't been thinking about it?”

Ava looked away. “I...I wouldn't…”

Rip grasped her hand gently, forcing her to look at him. “Ava, you're killing yourself doing this. It's not healthy.”

Ava pulled her hand away. “I’m just... visiting. That's all.”

Rip looked sad. “Ava, I've been where you are, and you have to believe me when I say that this is not good for you. You’ll kill yourself trying to find loopholes, and trying to fit in to tight spaces in the timeline to see her. Then there'll be no time left, and you'll be right back to where you started.”

Ava closed her eyes. “I'm not ready yet.”

Rip took her hand again. “We all miss her, Ava. But you have to let her go.”

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at Rip. “I can't. I feel like I'll die without her.”

He squeezed her hand. “You have me, Ava, and the Legends. They're waiting for you with open arms. They need a leader. It's what she would've wanted.”

“How can I possibly live without her? I can use this to see her…” She held up her time courier.

Rip took it off for her. “You need to destroy it. The temptation is too great. Your memories of Sara belong here” he gestured to his head “and here.” He put his hand on her chest, hovering over her heart. 

He placed the time courier in her hand. She gazed at it, her only salvation in the past weeks. She looked at Rip.

“Can I say goodbye? Then I'll destroy it, I promise.” 

Rip mused for a while but finally nodded. “I’ll send you a portal link for the Waverider upon my return to the Bureau. Until then, Captain Sharpe.” 

He nodded and her and smiled before stepping through a time window. Ava looked back down at her time courier, her adventures coming to an end. She had to choose her moment wisely. She sat a long while before she finally typed a date and time in her time courier, stepping through the window when it appeared.

Her breath hitched at how beautiful Sara looked, even when she was asleep. Her blonde hair, like spun gold shining in the soft sunrise that was drifting through the curtains. Ava gently slipped into the bed, Sara immediately moving closer and wrapping herself around Ava. She was still fast asleep. Ava moved her fingers through her hair, her own eyes closing in contentment. 

Her voice was barely a whisper. “I love you so much, Sara.”

Sara's node wrinkled as she woke slightly to answer her. “I love you too, Aves.”

Ava kissed her forehead. “You're always gonna be it for me, Sara, the love of my life  
“  
Sara pulled Ava closer, her engagement ring glinting in the sun. “I know, we're getting married, babe.”

Ava smiled. “Yeah, we are.”

As Sara drifted off to sleep again, Ava allowed herself one hour to sleep with her before her courier beeped, telling her it was time to go. Detaching herself from Sara's arms without waking her, Ava took one last look at the woman who'd forever hold her heart. 

Opening the time window with a heavy heart, Ava looked back only once, watching Sara sleep peacefully. 

“Love you, jerk.” 

Closing the time window behind her, she opened a new one to Rip's office in the Bureau. He looked up in surprise. She handed him her time courier. 

“It's done. Now, I need a window to the Waverider please.”

He smiled. “Of course, Captain Sharpe.”

As the square white light opened before her, she smiled at Rip before stepping through. There was work to be done, and a demon to get rid of, once and for all. 

Meanwhile, months back in the past, Sara woke disappointed to find Ava was no longer with her. A piece of paper on her bedside soon cheered her up, unmistakably written in Ava's cursive scrawl. Picking it up, she smirked as she read.

'I love you so much, I can't wait to be your wife. Yours always, Ava Lance’


End file.
